I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
