my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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