The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
