He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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