apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
