i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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