Ketchup is God's man juice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
