I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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