I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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