Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
