I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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