i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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