the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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