Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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