That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
