I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
