glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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