My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
