so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
