So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
