Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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