so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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