It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
