I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
