Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
