Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
