you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
