dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
