I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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