so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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