I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
