After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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