Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
