i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
