"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize