You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
