She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't put those talents on a resume
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
