It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
