Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
