Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fill condoms, not promises.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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