one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaĂt comercial?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
