The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
