so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found your dick twin last night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
