the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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