it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
