Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
