alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We need to get me chipped asap
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
