i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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