To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
