I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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