why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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