Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
