So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
