grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
