I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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