when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
