I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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