yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
